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I really can't understand how I blink and it's suddenly Sunday again....sheesh...creeps up on you.



Alien Ant Farm - oddly enough...pretty good band.



My mind is very wandery today. Jesse is napping and I think he'll be up soon and it makes me restless when he's waking. Wandery minded and hungry. I have been eating these little oranges, I forget what they're called -but they're sooooo good. hmmmmm. I wish I could remember what they're called. Too lazy to google them. Someone google little sweet oranges for me. By the time I google them I'll remember what they're called.



We took the boat out yesterday and the weather turned bad pretty quickly. The storms here are fast and thundery. This one was weird. The gulf was calm and flat and then suddenly there was this almost straight line of black storm in the distance. The wind picked up and it felt scary. Like thrilling and scary at the same time. The water got very dark and the waves picked up and the lightning was amazing. I got this weird feeling, like ' something wicked this way comes' and we hauled butt outta there. When we hit the docks it was full on raining. Lovely - (that was sarcasm) although I love rain, I don't love rain when I want to play outside. How rude of that rain.



Now I'm even boring myself. That's pretty hard to do since I'm usually pretty entertaining to myself. Snicker...I'm not even making sense to me anymore.



Ah well...see what Sundays do to me? They mess me all up.

I guess the summer is moving along...we've been scalloping a lot off of the boat. It's so hot that even the gulf is burning. We stick in about ten feet of water and eight feet down you can feel it cooling....I wish the heat would break.



I am melancholy. It's my birthday coming up that's making me sad I think. For some strange reason I was thinking that growing up or getting old would never happen to me. Like I was special or different. I don't know why I thought that. Nothing ever gave me any reason to imagine that 'getting older' wouldn't happen to me. No vampire came in to my life and offered me immortality. No super powers or psychic episode that changed my fate forever. I am just like everyone else. For some reason I thought I would be amazing. I would change the world. I would write a novel and be famous. I would do something. Something. ANYTHING.



But here I am. I haven't stayed 17...I haven't stayed 23 even...I just continue to work and eat and sleep and breathe and click....another year flips by. Flip....Flip....



Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and go..."dang...how did I get here?" What the fuck? Then I hear Jesse go.."Mom?" and I want to look around to see if there's a mom around. Like..how can it be me? How can I be the adult? Yesterday I was like playing Barbies with my sister...then I was in college....now I have a husband and a son and a career and a mortgage and a boat. What the fuck happened? I must have blinked and someone swapped lives with me. I was supposed to be different. This wasn't supposed to happen to me.

I was supposed to be something big.

LOL...wha???



OK, so truthfully I'm super lucky to have gotten to where I am. Lucky to have the mortgage and the boat and the kid and the husband. BUT - in my heart sometimes I am still 21 and I am dancing and I won't even look your way because I am soooo into me...... ;)